Category: Joke Board
The Top 17 Signs You've joined the Wrong Cult
17> Since they perfected a method to ferment Kool-Aid, they've
totally forgotten why they were there in the first place.
16> Rather than stockpiling guns and ammunition, they're
hoarding Milky Way bars while waiting for the second
coming of Orson Welles.
15> The cult leader claims the "end of days" will occur when
Bob Barker retires from "The Price is Right."
14> Glorious leader still hasn't found those WMDs in Iraq.
13> The miraculous event which will trigger the new world order:
a Cubs World Series victory.
12> When you suggest that the males all castrate themselves to
prevent the spread of the human virus and leave more room
for your brethren in the afterlife, everyone just says,
"Shhh! 'Judge Mathis' is on."
11> The cult chairman swears that devotees better stay in line
or they'll nominate Dukakis again.
10> Your leader's prophecies are amazingly accurate, but they
always involve the Harlem Globetrotters.
9> You're the 54th wife of a sweaty, hairy, smelly prophet.
8> Symbolic garb of "Sackcloth and Armani" helps dramatize the
spiritual gulf between the followers and the Enlightened One.
7> Although you're a committed acolyte, you can't help but
wonder why the Divine One hasn't yet married that nice
fellow, Stedman.
6> Their messiah is known as "He-Who-Can-Program-the-TiVo."
5> The leader plans to shoot himself in the head, then pass
the gun to the next person in line.
4> They not only ask you to cut off your testicles, but also to
join them for the Broadway matinee of "Miss Saigon."
3> *Your* cult decides to mix the cyanide in Zima.
2> You always have to tell the cult next door to keep their
all-night drug-saturated orgies quiet because your cult
is trying to fast and meditate on the glories of being
celibate.
and the Number 1 Sign
You've Thrown in With the Wrong Cult...
1> "Welcome to the House of Ziontology. I'm your host, Hillel-Ron.
Come, you want I should shpritz you for Thetans?"
ha ha ha!
lmfaolmfaolmfao